I’ve been stewing in a lot of fear lately… Feeling as though I am sitting in a big black cauldron of all my doubts, fears and insecurities, pushing that stirring stick around and around in an endless cycle of despair. My body has become an ampitheatre for fear.
I have been dealing with a host of different somatic phenomenon of late. Many things have been coming to my awareness and have been pushed up. I dream of muddy water, frozen so that I may see the many layers and the stillness that resides in the chaos. I was comforted the other day by some words that I read regarding muddy water, words that comforted me last year (funnily enough also at a period where I was undertaking a 40-day sadhana practice); that muddy waters aren’t to be feared, they are the result of the work – of kicking up all that ails you and is stuck and stagnant within yourself so that you may become aware of it – and now I see that it is only my job to love it.
Love this. Love this. Love this.
… I am reminded that to be jealous of another’s clarity – and to reject my own confusion – may be the work of a fool… for they may have years of acculumated mud and clear, yet shallow waters. This morning the following passage popped up on my facebook and I’d like to share it with you:
“Your confusion is not pathology, it is path. It has something to show you that clarity could never reveal. The nature of chaos is wisdom, but you must provide a home for it to receive its mysteries.
Your feeling of disconnection is not neurotic, it is intelligent. It has something to show you that oneness could never reveal. If you will allow it to unfold and illuminate – resisting the temptation to convert it via spiritual process – it will disclose an unmet doorway.
Your loneliness, your shakiness, and your fear are not mistakes. They are not obstacles on your path. They *are* the path. The freedom you are longing for will never be found in the eradication of the unwanted, but only in the love and the information it carries.
There are surges of somatic activity that contain very important information for your journey. If you will offer safe passage for the unknown aliveness, you will meet the messengers of illumination. Nothing is missing, nothing is out of place, and nothing need be sent away.
Yes, you may burn until you are translucent, but it is by way of this burning that your wholeness will be revealed.”
Thank you Matt, for your words. May we find solace in knowing that our bodies hold inherent intelligence and that our path is followed by the self-correcting mechanism within myself that lends itself to Grace and Purpose. May all my experiences be through the lense of love. May pain, confusion, loss of direction, blocks to expression, unrelenting joy, and manic hysteria be viewed through the lense of love. May I stoke my own fire as I let that which needs to die within me experience the pain of it’s death. May I become Autumn. May anything that does not serve me allow it’s own state of decomposition. May I allow this. May I love this.
May the long time sun shine upon you,
all love surround you,
and the pure light within you
guide your way on.
Sat Nam & namaste,