Where have my words gone? It is as if when I am with you I swallow them and they sit like a rock in the uninterrupted depths of a well. It’s dark in there, but things are stirring. Habits and patterns reveal themself and I feel the need to shed my layers like a snake. This is not me, please do not mistake the mask for the Truth. Allow time for my death. It’s been coming more and more pronounced with each lover I have ever taken… I feel like it was all a warm up.
But are you ready to jump in?
Dive into that well, and dive all the way down deep?
Why did I run? When we kiss I feel myself stiff and then, eventually, yielding… to your touch, your fingers, your mouth… They feel so good, touch me in all the places that make me feel alive.
Your touch is surprising. You are surprising. Different. Refreshing. Unchartered.
You can twirl me all you want, but it does not mean I am ready. Will you sit with me, and the darkness that hides within? There are things you know, without even knowing you know. Your touch last night revealed more about you than you could ever know, and perhaps more than myself. For I am in need of healing, and it has been coming for a long time.
Trauma is in my past, and to it my body has held fast. What would happen if I just… faced it? Would you be there with me? Would you be there with me to hold me if I cried when your fingers touched upon something long forgotten? If your palms slid past the first time I let a man inside me? Would you be there if your fingers found the line of the scar that I will carry with me to the grave? Would you still stay if I had to sigh into the touch of your hands on my stomach, stay as I relaxed into being, realise that I want this, that I need this… I just need time.
Would you stay witness and hold space if I broke down and turned into soil before your eyes? Because I tell you know, this old tree is fatigued and so fucking tired of pretending I don’t want to be touched. This body is so tired of not letting people in, the whole way in, and smiling with joy. This body is tired of being so fucking serious all the time.
Will you be with me and have some fun?