I saw you, from across a crowed room full of laughter, good food and excitement in the air. I noted you, thinking perhaps I’d go sit next to you. Next thing I know, I was settling down to hear some magical tunes and on the otherside of the woman I sat next to, there you were. I introduced myself to her, all the while aware. Aware of you. I reached over to shake your hand, and it was as if the entire world collapsed as we lent toward each other to hear over the sounds of the room. I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face as we talked.
We settled into silence to prepare and my body felt electric. My lower back positively tingled and electricity pulsed up my spine. The entire concert, I was aware of your voice. Beyond the singers, yours was the only one my ears could hear. That concert lifted me up high, and then it cracked me like an egg. Afterwards, I could feel it. You could feel it. We sat there, whilst everyone packed up their belongings. Turned to each other, unsure of what to say, but not willing to leave the space where we were near each other. An inner knowing. It was nice to meet you. Perhaps see you out there. I did, smiling as you passed. Not sure what to do with what I had felt, and I left.
Promised myself if I ever came across you again, I’d take a chance and ask you out. Two night ago, I saw you, again from across a crowded room. Despite everything that was going on, you were still in my mind. I couldn’t look at you after the concert for a while, but could tell you were hanging around till we talked. And I turned to you. Shook your hand, this is silly give me a hug.
Did you feel it too? This… comfort… Openness… Melting… Shifting… I could have stayed in that hug for ever. We talked a while. I felt I couldn’t move, didn’t know how to move, but couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I will probably see you around again. Wait, would you like to grab coffee with me next week? I gave him my number, we talked a while longer. Hugged goodbye, a kiss on the cheek.
What just happened? I’d thought a week or two before perhaps he’d be there, but in my stress, PMS, kriya-induced heart shattering, breaking, healing, opening, mother’s birthday present-making I’d completely forgotten. And I am glad. Expectation is the root of all heart ache, so they say. So I hope you text. Perhaps it was you that called. But if not, I am sure I will see you around, I am glad and so very thankful for the courage that moved through me to take a loving risk. I feel am shedding, becoming more of my Self, regaining confidence and inspiration and drive and becoming that wild-dancing-free-woman-in-red that I dream of time and time again.
A woman of the rivers, rivulets and the snakes. Anacondas, hiking and ouroborous. A woman of courage, a woman of silence, and a woman of words. Unapologetic. Untethered. Owing nothing to no one.
- Intrigued, as I remembered a certain feeling I got the night I met this man, before I left home, a creeping, rolling, feeling of knowing that I would meet some one that night. I’d forgotten about that. So I took to my journal, riffling through all the uncharacteristically illegible writings of the past few weeks (#40daysadhanavibes) and found a poem I’d written the night I met him, along with mentioning the feeling I got before.
toil and stew
I felt such a magnetism
shake your hand,
air thick with gravitation.
or a curse?
which’d be worse.
I’m sorry for leaving
before i said (hello)
I promise if there’s a next time,
I’ll not be soon to go.”
Sat Nam, dream lovers.