Black Dog.

I am a husk,
I am not here,
Where did I go?
Why did I disappear?

Each breath is too much,
Every movement an effort,
I can’t help but think –
When will this end…….

Why am I so tired,
When did I stop laughing?
Why do I always stop and start,
I fucking hate this.

I feel hate cloaking my body,
Others deciding my fate for me,
All I really want
Is one somebody.

I don’t want to travel,
I can sense the change,
I just keep feeling
more and more deranged.

I’ll work myself into a corner,
Face to the wall,
Tell myself I am unlovable,
Say goodbye to all.

A house by the ocean,
Is just what I need –
No plans, no job, no responsibilities or demands,
Just the salty sea and me.

Please, I need release,
My tears will not stop falling,
All I want is murky ocean depths,
And for me to hear my calling.

I feel so lost,
So small and blue,
It’s been a long time since
I have spoken true.

I’m sorry I have not been listening,
Not even tuning in,
It’s just I feel so stifled,
So apathetic and grim.

My heart hurts,
My hips ache,
I’m not sure how much more of this
I can really take.

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