“In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.”
Many things have been going on in my life lately. I was accepted into a university in Eastern Canada for a semester on exchange. I ended toxic relationship I had with a friend. I had exams and my results were not up to my usual standard. I completed my first ever 10km race; the furthest and longest I have ever run. I did a 10 day Vipassana meditation course. I danced away the night with a friend at my favourite band’s gig completely sober and with no inhibitions. I quit my job.
The most recently… I have been thinking about a past relationship. A person who came into my life by no accident and our crossing paths completely changed my life. With my impending departure being less than a week away (5 days!!), I had a dream. Well, that being said, I dream a lot, but I had two particular dreams lately that have spurred me into action. The first was me with this man and longing for continuation of the relationship but knowing it was not right, and walking away to where my eyes were drawn to this certain man time and time again… The second dream came a few days later where I was at a party and I was talking to that same mystery man again, trying to remember his every detail because I wanted to be able to recognise him if I saw him in waking life, when a girl came up to me. This girl told me “Go. He wants to talk to you. He’s right around there”, gesturing around the corner. I asked her “Who?” and inquired about the man of my previous relationship. When I started to walk around the corner, I woke up.
I took this dream to have two interpretations. Firstly, that I needed to go talk to this guy and express everything I wanted to before I left, and that he (or his guides) needed me to communicate with me as well, for his own reasons. The second interpretation was that I needed to go speak to this guy in order to fully let go, and create space, sacred space, for both myself and someone who potentially could be right around the corner… Time will tell. Have any of you dreamt of people you had never met in real life, but felt were your soulmates? Anywho, so today I went and talked to this person and I am so glad I did, I feel so good about my decision and trusting in myself.
Along the same lines… So many things in my life are wrapping up, ending, being ‘finished’… and I feel it is in order to create space for whatever is coming next. I have been a tad baffled at my behaviour lately… After I finished this Vipassana course I felt so great, and ready to take on the world, ready to be ‘out and amongst it’ spending as much time with my friends and family doing things before I left. However, I’ve been doing a lot of the opposite. I’ve been spending whole days in bed. Sleeping, napping. Going for hikes and adventures alone. Really just… nesting, is how I put it today to my friend. They then remarked that it seemed like I was getting ready to take flight. I was thinking about that today, walking my dog, and I really am… In more ways than one. I am getting ready to physically fly overseas to a foreign country and live there for three to six months. I have no set plans. I have no return ticket. I am truly just …leaving. I am seriously about to spread my wings and fly, fly away from my home, fly away from my family and my parents… Truly flying the coop (is that the expression?). At last things are making some sense. I’m still scared, and nervous… but I am also excited, and ready, and capable. I’ve had many dreams lately where it has been demonstrated that despite being capable, and being shown that, I am hanging on to safety when it is not needed. Recognising that in the dream world is the first step. Now to apply it to real life and …let go of the rocks… dive into the surf… leap off of the ledge… and fly!
– The above poem & image popped up on my newsfeed; the Universe truly makes me giggle sometimes.